I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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