The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
