I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
