Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
