Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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