the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
