Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
