Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize