I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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