your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
