I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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