just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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