Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
