dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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