i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
