we're blogging at a bar
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
