I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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