I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
