well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
