Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
