The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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