you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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