my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize