my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
