i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
