During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
