Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
