I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
