Can i not drive my cunt home
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
