you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize