That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
