Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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