the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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