Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
