..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
