I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
