so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
