he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
whose parrot is this?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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