Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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