If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
