Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
