My brain says no but my pants say off.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
