She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
