Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
