How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm passing your future prison.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
