When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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