She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize