she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
