Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
