On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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