been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
