my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I believe in your delicious
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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