plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
