Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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