Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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