winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
