Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
