my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
