Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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