the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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