atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
