Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize