Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
