good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
