It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
