Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize