I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
