I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
