he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
