i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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