Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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