I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
