Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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