So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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