Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
