After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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