i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
