cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
