i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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