Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
