On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
