2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
