I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
