Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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