I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
