He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
