I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
