it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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