dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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