finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize