dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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