All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
