I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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