smell my finger.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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