Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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