I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Panties = found
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
