I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fill condoms, not promises.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
