dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
