think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
