you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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