I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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