how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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