I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
