I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
