you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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