hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
