Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
