Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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